Sexuality Tips And Advice
I think you have this advice column confused with Penthouse Forums.
Thank you, Will! I love reading kudos and accolades like this! *giggle*
As for your question, I am a big supporter of open communication between partners. Secrets of a sexual nature (whether about past partners, experiences or orientation) can sow feelings of distrust in a relationship, so get them out in the open as soon as possible. By being the one to tell your current girlfriend of your sexual orientation, you control where she hears it, how she hears it and when she hears it. Something of this magnitude does require a bit of planning, it needs to be handled delicately. Not only do you need to tell her you are bisexual, you need to tell her of any impact this will have on your partnership. Are you looking to bring another man in to the bedroom? Either for fun or as a third in this romance? Are you bisexual yet monogamous? Are you striving for a level of intimacy that requires there to be no secrets? Since you are unsure of her reaction, I do suggest you have this conversation sooner rather than later. Not to be an ass, but...eventually she will find a magazine you've hidden from her and instead of talking about your sexuality, you'll be defending your sneakiness.
Your sexuality is a MAJOR component of who you are. Give her the opportunity to get to know all of you, not just bits and pieces. If she loves you, then she loves all you are comprised of, in total.
Do women find bisexual men arousing? Some do, some do not. The woman who is right for you, will. I know, I sound cliche, but it is true. Sexual allure is not metered out by gender, persuasion, race, or any other broad category...it is metered out individually.
There is something incredibly provocative about seeing a new lover undressed for the first time! Anticipation sends adrenaline coursing through your veins, whipping your hormones into a frenzy and sending your pulse off the charts...there is little that can top the passion of unconquered sexual territory. The newness of it all, paired with fear of rejection can be jarring. So, while the awkwardness of the moment may feel overwhelming and you're scrambling for anything to say or do to break the tension, giving your penis a silly name, playing ventriloquist with your cock-puppet or showing off a trick you've "taught your cock" might backfire on you. True...humor can break the ice, but once you've made your dick something to laugh at or about it can be difficult to regain that erotically charged atmosphere conducive to good shagging.
There is no formulaic penis presentation plan for me to set out before you. I actually did research this and, aside from mating and/or courtship customs practiced by remote tribes, was unable to find any guidelines pertaining to this matter. Here is the best advice I can give, and it comes only from my own experience: Don't over-practice for the moment; spontaneity is part of the thrill of sex and no one wants to feel as though they're watching the same performance dozens before have already seen.
Hi Darren! I always enjoy hearing from you! I'm glad you are a fan!
As far as orgasms go...I am, pretty much, a hair-trigger! I cum fairly easily, I must admit! I have not really found a way to influence the type of orgasm I have (I will eventually get around to researching the possibility of doing so, I am sure). So, I am just happy to have them at all! *giggle* I admit, there are times when I am enraptured by my long orgasms and times when I am pleasantly shocked by multiple ones! Hey, as long as I have not run a race without managing to cross the finishing line, I am stoked! I have become quite the female squirter and pussy gusher lately, so that not only satisfies me greatly, it also wears me out and ensures a great nights sleep!
I am not really a big fan of labels when it comes to sexuality. Do I think you are bi-sexual if you play with a dildo? No. Do I think you are "straight" because you only fuck women? Not at all. Sexuality goes beyond the physical, my dear! You most likely just discovered the pleasure receptors around your anus have been neglected and you're probably wondering why it took you so long to acknowledge them! ;)
That depends on a lot of factors, ranging from choosing the right plastic surgeon to following after-procedure instructions to over-all general health before the surgery! Let's go back and address some of the major causes for decreased sensitivity.
First and foremost: Research your plastic surgeon WELL. Most have a consultation fee, ranging anywhere between $100 to $500. Obviously your geographical area influences this to some degree. With each doctor charging a consultation fee of $250, I still managed to rack up $1000 in consultation fees before finding the plastic surgeon I felt best qualified to perform my procedure. The surgeon I finally decided on not only answered all of my questions (trust me, I had a LOT of them) thoroughly, he also let me contact former patients of his (these patients had volunteered to be references for situations like this) in order to ask them about his skill, compassion, professionalism, etc. I also made sure that I chose a doctor who belonged to The American Board of Plastic Surgery, The American Board of Medical Specialties and The American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons. Anything that is surgically placed inside my body permanently, I want to have done once and have it done right!
Consider the proposed incision point as well, the further from the implants the incisions, the more nerves they have to go through to get them in place! I have heard stories of implant insertion incisions being done through the navel, under the arm, under the actual breast (WAY old-school) and at the pigment line where the areaola meets the breast. I had my incisions (both my original breast augmentation and my reconstructive surgery after a skiing accident) done at my areolas. By limiting the number of nerves encountered by the surgeon, I limited the amount of potential nerve damage. My nipples are still incredibly sensitive! I still get little shirt pebbles every time a cool breeze blows.
Careful adherence to the post-op instructions given you by your doctor will increase the chances of a speedy and complete recovery. While your tissue is healing, the propensity to unwittingly cause further damage is at its highest. The body needs to heal, synapses reconnect...well, you get my point! If you've just had someone slice you open, force foreign objects in to your body and permanently seal them in there... common sense dictates you take it easy for a while! Follow even the silly sounding instructions. What sounds silly today can mean the difference between nice, round breasts and angry, missile-shaped disasters stuck on your chest!
Hate to say it, but...smokers...you will heal more slowly! Sorry. Not my fault! Same goes for you druggies and alcoholics! *giggle* If you are a smoker, try to quit for a few months before and after you get your new hooters. Your general health (and even some genetics) come in to play here. Eat crappy food a lot? You'll probably have a crappy recovery! Good musculature? Good framework for big fun bags! Get in shape before you buy your new shapes!
While the temptation to rip off the bandages, squeeze into a tube top and show off your new melons, resist it with all of your might! First of all, the new pockets cut in to your chest to hold those implants in place need to heal. You'd be surprised how heavy even moderate-sized saline implants can be. If that is not enough to sway you, remember this: It takes a few weeks for swelling to subside and your implants to settle. For the first month or so, you will most likely feel as though you are walking around with your tits bouncing against your chin...
If you cannot afford to be picky about who does your procedure, if you cannot find room in your budget for a second or even third consultation visit, you cannot afford your new boobs yet. Boobs are a privilege, not a right! *giggle*
Good luck!
Not odd at all! They offer support without binding!
The short answer? She was a lying whore! The longer answer is as follows: sometimes a woman fakes an orgasm because she really wasn't in the mood to fuck and thinks if you think she's satiated, you'll finish up faster; some women feel too embarrassed or awkward to express what it takes for you to get them screaming in ecstasy (as if being sexually assertive is a BAD thing!); some fake it because they want to reward the "effort" their lover has made and do not wish to bruise the fragile male ego; some are just wanting to rob themselves of a good fuck! Why did I say that last one? Easy! If your partner isn't hitting it right, but you let him think he is he will never vary his technique. (Think: if it ain't broke, don't fix it...) By never speaking up, by actively misleading their fuck-buddy into thinking they are orgasming, they are dooming themselves to sexual disappointment. I will admit, I hate running a race that I will never cross the finish line of, but I hate the unrealistic portrayal that orgasms are 100% guaranteed even more. Open and honest communication about the romp is key. If she didn't get off yet offered no guidance for aiding her in doing so...she really cannot complain. Orgasms are like threesomes, no matter how hard you try for one, sometimes they happen and sometimes they just don't!
HAHAHA! Ok, Lucy...step away from the pulpit! Phone sex is not creepy (unless it is a family member trying to dial you). First of all, creativity is like a muscle: it gets weaker the less it is exercised! The lack of face-to-face interaction lessens the embarrassment factor, too. It is often easier to say things on the phone than in person. Run with it!
Afraid you'll totally bomb at revving up your partners motor on the phone? Think you'll stumble for things to say? Start with small steps...maybe relive a past encounter, adding on things you would have liked to have done at the time. Praising your partners attributes (both physical and mental) can be an easy stepping off point as well. You might even get lucky enough to have a partner who is at ease and does most of the talking, allowing you to listen and catch the drift of it all!
Besides, phone sex has gotten me through many a boring day when I held an office job!
Hi Buck...if you liked sex before you went away, you will like it when you get back! Masturbating is perfectly healthy. Not only is a terrific stress releaser, it also helps one get to know their body and what actually feels best to them. By knowing what turns you on, you can better communicate with your partner. With better communication, comes better sex!
As far as damaging your penis goes...utilizing lube while stroking your cock will stave off chafing; remembering that you are tugging your penis, not arm-wrestling a foe will keep you from pulling a groin muscle; staying hydrated will keep you from getting cramps.
Aaron...three parts, three answers! *giggle*
No, actually, I have never had sex with an Asian man! I have filmed lesbian scenes with Asian females (hence the term lesbian...I can be redundant and repetitive at times...). I have shot some fetish work with an Asian male performer...but it was not actually sucking or fucking. As for the lack of male Asian performers in the biz...I am not sure why that is. Maybe the stereotype about smaller genitalia? Maybe the cultural differences in pornography and what is sexually stimulating? I do not know. But it is a shame! I find Asians to be exotic and gorgeous!
Interesting Adam...very interesting! I am wondering if maybe you just prefer the extra stimulation provided by her gripping fingers...you just might be a hand-job kind of guy! I know a few blow-job kind of guys...they love to fuck, but need the sucking action to mentally and physically get themselves to orgasm. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you like, hun!
Is this a new situation for you? Is this the first sex partner you have had this issue with? If so, experiment with different positions. It may just be that you need to find the perfect spot for your cock! If it is not a new thing, and you have always been more into the grip than the slip just tell your girlfriend. If you let her think it is "her", then the sexual situation will never get better for the two of you. Feeling inferior doesn't tend to make a woman feel hot.
Hi Charlie...my opinion? Honestly? All men pay for sex in one way or another. How much do you spend on an average date? How many dates do you go on before you actually "close the deal" with the lucky lady? I am sure you have a good time while you're out on your dates, but what is the ultimate goal? To get the girl to put out, right? You're paying for sex, no matter how indirectly.
Sometimes, you'd probably save money by hiring an escort!
As for my opinion on guys who hire escorts...two consenting adults entering into a financial agreement for services rendered doesn't bother me a bit! There are a few advantages to utilizing a working girl: she leaves when you tell her to, she won't play the "What are you thinking?" game, there is less chance of getting emotionally manipulated. Downsides? If you fall for her, you're probably not alone but you're still just a client to her. She will want money every time you see her. She might be booked at the same time you want to see her.
Ultimately, I see nothing morally reprehensible about hiring an escort. Just be careful...outside of the ranches in Nevada, you can face jail time if you get caught!
Hi Tom! Thanks for the compliment, first of all! I used to hate my tushy, but I have grown to appreciate it over the past few years.
I enjoy getting spanked on occasion, but I must admit that it is a rarity that I allow myself to be dominated by a woman. It has only happened on film, never in my real life. Since I have a strong personality, I tend to be more dominant rather than submissive when it comes to other females. Usually, I tend to 'control' my personal relationships but once in a while I flip into a total sub for a man. It really just depends on how our personalities click, to be honest.
I am not usually prone to physical violence, but I have kicked a girlie ass or two! LOL Too bad the few cat-fights I have been involved in were not filmed!
No woman has, other than on-set, ever spanked me. As far as the scenes in which I have been dommed by a woman, I have enjoyed it on more of a humorous level than a sexual one.
Sweetie, if you are getting this much of a run-around, RUN! Do not walk away from her, RUN! You have overheard her say something only to deny it to you later. This relationship is not based on honesty and trust. It is toxic. Your mortality is too valuable to risk. It is not the 1950's where the worst you could get was pregnant or in need of penicillin. The fact that you specified your relationship was committed "on my end at least" threw up warning flags (I can still hear the "Lost in Space" robot shouting, "Danger Will Robinson, danger!" in my mind). Get out. Find someone who not only respects you enough to be honest but respects themself enough to be accountable for their actions.
BTW, if you try bothering to confront her, you will hear a weak excuse/justification for each and every tale that you call to her attention. She will lie, twist and exaggerate and you will want to believe her. Don't bother. How many times will you get hit with a spinning plane propeller before you realize, "This hurts, I should move!"?
Don't give up on having a happy relationship. There ARE good potential partners out there...she is just not one of them. You know what you want, do not settle for less than you deserve!
The bisexual movies I have appeared in have always been "condom-only", meaning all males wore a condom for all penetration. While it has always been a niche, it has gained popularity due to it's increased acceptance. Do I think the internet played a part in that? Yes, I do. PPV (Pay-Per-View) Theaters, such as this one, take out the potential embarrassment of physically walking in to an adult shop and picking out the dvd desired. Once there is no fear of stigma, there is no reason to rob oneself of a desire.
As for the trans-sexual films, I think the appeal is multi-fold. First, there is the taboo appeal that calls to the darker desires inherent in most people. Second, some of those trannies are more beautiful than us natural gals! Also, it is novel. I would not doubt that it is a good transition from straight porn to gay porn, either. As you pointed out, it does (on the surface, at least) appear to be a man and a woman...until, well, they both get naked and you see more than one cock on the screen!
Thank you Marrky! I am delighted to hear that I don't look like a cookie-cutter stereotype! To be honest, I have actually never liked my legs. LOL I have always felt lucky that, out of my entire nuclear family, I am the only one with blue eyes.
As far as working with younger actors, I usually really enjoy it. I tend to be more excited about the younger male performers and less so about working with younger females. Why, you ask? I tend to feel desirable when a younger guy is fucking me but like Chester-the-Molester when working with younger gals...especially if the gal is relatively new to the industry! There is something slightly uncomfortable for me when I get booked for a girl/girl scene with a chick who is basically "Gay for Pay" (not actually in to girls. I have been known to jokingly say (when referring to female talent), "I refuse to fuck a girl younger than things I have aborted!"
There *have* been a few way younger females that stand out in my memory for both good reasons and bad. Coincidentally, two of my all time faves have similar names: Kat and Kitty. I first worked with Kat in 2006 in Older Women and Younger Women #7. Jim Powers was in awe at the end of our scene excitedly saying to me, "Damned Kayla! You were totally in to that! You shot that straight through! We shot longer than we had planned, it was great!" Kitty, on the other hand, I just worked with last week. She was a total cutie and way hot! Again, we shot pretty much straight thru and (even tho it was a softer/no penetration shoot) I had a blast! I'll work with her again!
Last but not least...the cum question! IF the guy doesn't smoke, I prefer to swallow it rather than waste it. Most of the time, however, that decision is made by the production company/director and not by me. Some scenes are set up to be a "swallow", some to be cum facials, still others to have the pop on the tits or the ass...just depends on the film & its niche/genre. It has been my experience that men aim their load about as well as they aim their pissing in the toilet...to put it bluntly, they have little control over what lands where! I have had the famed 30 minute pink eye from spunk in there more than once! Other times, I have had to go diving to catch the creamy goodness with my face. LOL Oh well, all's well that lands well! ;)
Thanks for reading and for the awesome question!
Nope! Not gay at all! You might have bi-sexual tendencies, you might just like to contrast & compare packages! Not uncommon at all! :)
Hi Kelli! I am not going to delve into the "Are you sure you're ready?" part of this and just go on with the facts. I am sure you'll get enough of that from everyone else you know!
I am assuming there are no underlying medical conditions restricting your chances for conception and will touch on the basics. If that is *not* the case, lmk in a follow-up email? :)
First of all, timing in crucial when it comes to making a baby! I recommend MyMonthlyCycles. There you can register for a free account which allows you to not only track your girlie cycle, but you have access to scads of free calculators, resources, articles and other tools.
The days leading up to ovulation (as well as the day of) are the best times to fuck. having sex too often can actually be detrimental to the cause, so to speak. Men need time to reassemble their armies of little soldiers. Your partner avoiding ejaculation a day or two before the days leading up to ovulation will improve the strength of his juice, so to speak. Since your window of opportunity is only 12-24 hours (that is how long the egg lives), you need to be sure to try right before or on the day you're most fertile. Even ONE DAY after your date is too late! Position counts here, too! Missionary (the traditional, guy on top mode) works best, since it allows the sperm to be deposited closest to the cervix. Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl (gal on top...cowgirl means she is facing her mans face, reverse means she's facing away from him) are the worst...gravity just isn't on your side in those. Placing a pillow under your hips while in missionary helps a touch, as well. Stay elevated like that for 15-20 minutes, it encourages the semen to find the egg and fertilize it. Studies have shown that folic acid deficiency can hinder attempts at getting knocked up, so drink orange juice or take a multivitamin which has folic acid in it to tip the odds in your favor as well. Oh! ONE last thing: smoking is bad for sperm production! If either of you smoke...stop! You'll just be making it harder on yourselves if you don't! Good luck!
Now for the bad news, it might be that the French kissing & cuddling with the other woman is all that your wife is actually comfortable doing. Should that be the case, pushing for more will cause far more damage to your relationship than you think! Ask her openly and honestly if that is the case. Seeing your reaction to watching her flirt with her gal pals may be all she is seeking. She may like the tenderness another woman offers or may like the "idea" of a same-sex experience but not be thrilled by the actuality of it. Simply ask your wife her limits. Through her attitude about the topic, as well as through her verbal answers, you will have a better understanding of the possibilities before you.
So... she is down for everything yet it never seems to happen and you want to know why...Where does the 'trail go cold', so to speak? Does she feel uncomfortable asking a friend to join the two of you? If so, I suggest she ask her friend when it is just the two of them. Your wife approaching her friend will minimize the pressure on both of the women (no one likes to feel put on the spot)... and helps show that you are not coercing your wife to make the invitation.
Having trouble finding a willing friend? Considering trying some of the online dating websites. Many of them, such as Adult Friend Finder offer a "couple seeking fun" type category for listing your personal ad.
I cannot express this warning strongly enough: If either party expresses hesitation in pushing further with this endeavor, no matter how slight of a hesitation, then stop ALL planning! It is a clear sign that your relationship is not ready for this step!!!
Good luck! I hope everything works out for the three of you! ;)
I actually learned a bit about kegels that I did not know while researching your question! First of all, I have been mispronouncing it all these years! LOL I have been saying kI-gul, with a long I sound and soft u in the second syllable. It is actually pronounced KAY-gill, long A and soft I at the end. Oooops? It is so named after Dr. Arnold Kegel who developed the exercise in 1948 as a method of controlling incontinence in women after childbirth. It tones up and strengthens the pubococcygeus muscle (commonly referred to as the PC muscle), which supports the urethra, bladder, uterus, vagina and rectum in women. Another fact I did not know until digging in to this question, men have a PC muscle and can benefit from kegels as well! In men, this muscle supports the urethra, bladder, penis, and rectum. Involved in both orgasm and ejaculation, strengthening the PC muscle can not only lead to a more fulfilling sex life but can actually help combat impotence and urinary problems. Sounds win-win to me!
Not sure how to find your PC muscle? You know when you really gotta pee, but your clenching so you don't? THAT is the PC muscle you are using when you do that! Next time you're taking a tinkle, try clenching (technically flexing) that muscle to stop your urine mid-flow. That is the basic kegel! (Just to make sure no one is confused here, you are not supposed to do kegels while pissing...just helping you locate the right muscle.)
The entire exercise is basically flexing that muscle, holding it anywhere from 5-10 seconds then releasing it for a second or two and repeating the process. For quickest results (we are a "Fast Food Nation" as Eric Schlosser so poignantly proves in his novel by the same title... subtle hint to read that book...), faithfully do your kegel routine daily. Since it is such a discreet exercise, it can be done just about anywhere at just about any time. Consistency and repetition are key here.
One last note, you should not be tightening your abs or back or thighs doing these. Just your PC muscle. Well, you might feel your asshole clench, too...happens. This is not something that going overkill the first day or two will help speed up the results on, so don't do that. Kegels are not that difficult, you are not power-lifting here...don't hold your breath, don't "feel the burn"... just flex the PC muscle! You should start feeling results in your sex life in about 3-4 weeks if you were vigilant about doing the exercises daily.
As for what to do with them... the same things you do with guys minus the penis! Some women prefer the softer side of sex with the emphasis on licking and petting; others enjoy toys and strap ons. There is no "standard" girl-girl scenario. Of course, there are several porn films featuring all girl action offering some inspiration... one thing tho... personally, I never understood the whole "scissoring" thing. I have dated/fucked women for years and never did scissoring happen. I fail to see the thrill of it; the clit contact is limited and (if jarred) can be painful. All I can think about is that in a film context, guys must think it looks good because no woman I have ever spoken to about it thinks it feels good!
Check out the main page for the most recent Sex Tips