Ask Kayla Quinn

[September 11, 2007] - There are several things to address here and I hope I hit them all! First off... have your told your wife yet? You really need to, I know, I know, you don't really want to do it, but it needs to be done. I remember years ago, a syndicated newspaper advice columnist told someone who wrote in *not* to tell his wife about a one-time affair; she claimed that the pain it would cause her was not worth it since it was a one-time dalliance. I never read her column again. Honesty is foremost here. The fact that you not only stepped outside of your relationship but did so with someone you just met is concerning to me. Yes, he sucked you off limiting your chances for catching an STD. The point of the matter is, though, you allowed yourself to get caught up in the moment without regard to sexual responsibility (I read nothing about a condom... and yeah, I know, a bj through a condom is no where NEAR as good, it's just safer). The fact that this was a stud you "picked up" tells me that there was no trip to AIM or any equivalent to it. Shame on you! This is not the '70's where just about anything you caught was cured by penicillin! Ok, back to the spouse... You need to tell her because it is the right thing to do. If that is not motivation enough, tell her before she hears it from someone else causing her to feel not only betrayed but humiliated as well. NO ONE likes to be the last to know about something that they SHOULD have been the first to know about! You are, unfortunately, in the position of "damage control". You need to do what you can to squeak through this situation. One drunken office party is all it is going to take before the secret is out and reaches your wife's ear! Besides, by telling her yourself you control where and when she finds out, you will not be on pins and needles waiting and dreading this coming to light. Discuss your bi-sexual desires with your wife, a threesome with another man might just be the ticket to keeping everyone happy and fantasies explored. Once everyone knows the situation, it can be a fantastic experience without the guilt or fear afterwards. As for the intruding co-workers. I am afraid there is not much that can be done to stop tongues from wagging in the office. Any attempt to "explain" the situation (I personally don't think there is anything in NEED of explanation), will only stir the pot more and drag more people in to the fray. I would remain civil, make no comment on this, and try to treat the folk who walked in on you as equally as you did before they interrupted. Should you face confrontation, politely smile and remind the person 'work is work and personal life has no place in it'. Confronted by someone who "heard from a guy who heard from a guy that you..."? Smile, and say, "Must be a slow gossip day today!" turn back to your work and by actions alone, show that you are not discussing it further. It may seem like the end of your world right now, but someone else will do something outrageous and your story will fall out of the spotlight in favor of the newer one. Last but not least, the cab driver. Etiquette considered, I hope he gave you a hefty discount on the fare! Sounds to me like one was well-earned!